10 Things NOT To Give To Trick-or-Treaters This Halloween!
Yesterday, we revealed the Top 20 Halloween Candies of All Time! (Like it was any big secret, right? Ha! But you know you loved some of the throwback to the good ol’ days!)
…or any school supplies for that matter. Listen, if you want to give school supplies, take a box of newly purchased supplies to your local school or school system. Really, you don’t want to send little werewolves away growling, do you?
9. Religious pamphlets or literature.
Here’s the thing: your message is not going to get through this way.
You may want to slay a few demons this Halloween, but, regardless of your religious preferences, trick-or-treating is not the time to do it. Keep it to yourself!
And if you give out anything like the one pictured here, um…what the…?!
Do you think your toothbrush is going to make a difference during the holiday with the highest candy sales EVER??!!
Even if you’re a dentist, don’t do it. Get a little more creative, huh?
7. Black licorice.
Ok, I’ll grant you, this is totally goth! But we’re also going to be honest with you…if you don’t scare the little pirates and princesses with this freaky candy, at the very least it gets tossed.
Just look at the stuff. Plus, it stinks and makes people angry.
It just does.
6. Spare change.
“Here’s some pennies and quarters for your piggy-bank, Johnny!” Johnny’s shoulders droop as he walks away discouraged.
Listen, if you forget to get candy to hand out to the little munchkins, just leave your porch light off, or volunteer at a neighbor’s to hand out the good stuff.
Yes, apples are “nature’s candy” and everyone loves a banana from time to time (ok, most people do…). But, again, fruit…?
Your message, once more, will not be received. It’s ok to drop the health nut façade for one night. Just give ’em some sugary sweetness!
We supposed this could technically fall into the fruit category, but raisins have these nifty little boxes they come in, so they deserve their own listing.
…But DON’T give raisins for Halloween treats! Just. Don’t.
3. Floss and Toothpaste.
Again with the proselytizing for dental hygiene…
2. Random, unnecessary plastic rings and toys (a.k.a. – CRAP!).
Plastic spider rings. Finger puppets. Glow-in-the-dark rubber skeletons…
We’re going to revert to the “go volunteer at your neighbor’s house, where cool stuff like…CANDY…is being handed out” argument, if you even THINK about this one.
Don’t disappoint the ghosties and ghoulies at your door with this mess. You WILL be haunted!
And… (why do we even live in a world where we have to mention this one?)
Think. Just…THINK! Coupons?! What in the $%^#&@*@(*&^%#$ world are you thinking?! Oh wait, you’re NOT!
What child wakes up on Halloween morn, after waiting an entire year to dress up again as their favorite super hero or scary monster, ready to beat the pavement on this night of confectionary treasure-seeking, and says to herself, “I can’t WAIT to get a bag full of COUPONS tonight! I’ll be able to go shopping with Daddy. I can share with all my friends. I’ll be the most popular person in school with my coupons! My heart is flooded with joy at the notion that tonight, I…WILL…GET…COUPONS!”?
“Mommy, do you think I’ll get coupons?”
“Oh, I hope so dear. It would be the best treat ever!”
(Said no parent and child…EVER!)
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stupid. Stupid Who? YOU ARE!
Save yourself the charity of clipping those wonders of money-saving grocery slips and feed the little monsters some FREAKIN’ CANDY!
If you can’t…leave your porch light off and GO TO BED!
Glad we could help sort things out for you in this post. As always, it’s a pleasure to serve… 😉
Happy Halloween 2014!
(Psst…please share with your friends and social networks. Love ya’ big for it!)
Tweet us! @TheMonsterGuys